By Carolyn Anderson and Katharine Roske, co-authors of "The Co-Creator's Handbook"
As we evolve and integrate our authentic values into our lives, we may trigger unconscious reactions. Fear, blame, shame, judgment, feelings of inadequacy and doubt may come to the surface as the ego resists moving into new ways of being. The emotional body may go through a detoxification process to shed old patterns and assumptions. When we are allowed to fully experience feelings, an internal shift can occur which frees us from the grip of the past.
Overcoming the illusion of separation requires a sense of Self and an awareness of “shadow” aspects of the ego/personality that are underdeveloped or unconscious and sabotage the Self. It also requires a set of skills that facilitate healthy relating. The following “Principles for Healthy Communication” - excerpts from "The Co-Creator's Handbook" - are foundational for functional, loving relationships. They are designed to support each of us to overcome the illusion of separation and join in deeper communion with one another.
PRINCIPLES FOR HEALTHY COMMUNICATION
- Truth is the rock upon which good relationships are built. Share your feelings and be honest in your communication.
- Be aware that what you have to say is both honest and worth saying. If it does not add value to a conversation or to the relationship, don't say it.
- True communication includes body language and intent, as well as words. Positive intent facilities the experience of connection or union.
- Timing, safety and receptivity are key to clear communication. Be sensitive to the needs of others before launching into conversation. Don't bring up important issues during rushed or stressful times of the day.
- People long to be heard and seen, received and understood in their communications.
- Common courtesy, respect and reflective listening are keynotes of conscious communication.
- The mind creates separation; the heart creates connection. If you are feeling judgmental, critical, victimized or separate in any way, try shifting your energy from your mind to your heart. Practice empathy.
- Reply rather than react, if you are able.
- Address only one issue at a time.
- Silence is often the best bridge between hearts. Don't feel you always need to speak to be heard.
- As best you are able, confront your shadow and accept your light. Be aware of your own growing edge, to avoid projecting negative thoughts and feelings on others.
- Stay current in your relationships. Unfinished arguments accumulate. Unspoken feelings can build in the body and create disease. The residue from unsettled questions can create separation in relationships. Do your best to complete your communications.
- Learn to make requests and honor your commitments to foster a sense of connection. Do what you say you will do in a timely manner to build trust in your relationships. If you break an agreement, acknowledge that you have done so and talk about it with the relevant other(s).
- Remember your humor.